Feeling really down at the moment. Not much else to say I guess. Not winning tonight. Not crying, just not feeling anything at all. 

The rest is me being miserable so click if you want to be bored, don’t click if you don’t wanna know.

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thegutsygeneration:

I sent my G.I specialist a gushing thank you card for being so wonderful to me. He wrote a detailed, 2 page letter to my work telling them to stop harassing me and treating me like my illness was not a real issue. They used to demand I call them every 30 minutes (even if i was being ill) with an update on the status of my bowels (as if its that easy) and expected me to rush in as soon as I was off the toilet. He told them I needed to rest and rehydrate and not be stressed with degrading and unnecessary calls. I actually love him. If only my GP was even slightly as empathetic.

So tired today. Its a genuine fatigue. I was up at 4am because of weird dreams about Game of Thrones and didnt get back to sleep till nearly 7am. Strange dreams then woke me again and just thinking and being online has made me feel like I need another sleep.

Its probably illness combined with the overwhelming amount of negativity my posts about equal rights are met with. Its frustrating because most of the people who comment or inbox me with negativity have never read up on the issue and most won’t even read the article I link so are debating based on incorrect information, opinion or assumptions. Or they tell me the cause is pointless and I should just accept that. Or they point out token acts or singular instances of basic equality as if that should be good enough or stop me from wanting real, substantial equality.

Its like slamming my head against a brick wall but I can’t stop myself. I can’t be a passive bystander who sees injustice and does nothing. That makes me complicit in the injustice and general wrongness of the world. I can’t ignore violence against women, domestic labour inequalities, unequal pay, sexism in sports, gaming and on the internet, and the constant sexualisation of women and girls because it makes some men (and women) feel bad or uncomfortable. I can’t ignore it or racism or homophobia because what would happen if we all took that stance? If we all ignored these issues and never spoke up or forced people into awareness then nothing would ever change. We should all take personal responsibility to be the change we want to see and to spread the message of equality so that it becomes the status quo.

I’m opening myself up for hate and abuse and derision, but in my heart and my mind I know I have to keep going. I can’t let other people silence me just because they don’t want change, or don’t believe change is possible or would simply be silent themselves. I may sometimes get it wrong and be less than eloquent, but I would rather actively try to work towards a greater good and sound like an idiot sometimes than never embarrass myself and watch others struggle and suffer for the rest of my pitiful life.

I love all people. Period. That includes white heterosexual men. I want us all to have the best we can have in life in equal measure. Fairness and equality matter and if we ever hope to have an egalitarian society we need to look at intersectional feminism and take some action and responsibility ourselves. If we want to make a difference in the world we can’t just watch a video and stay silent. We need to pick up the torch and shine it on the darkness we see in the world. We all need to be braver and bolder in our actions.

Like Martin Luther King said many poignant and applicable things but I will end on these two:

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is ‘What are you doing for others?’”